Another Pre-COVID event that happened while still on Long Island.
So I brought this up to the kiosk. (See photo)
“Hi! Name please?” asked a pleasant twenty-something girl with a chirp in her voice.
“John P. Higgins”
“Ok, one sec.” She looked at her computer screen. She bit her bottom lip, “Hmmm, ok, I don’t, uh…Higgins you said, right?”
“Yeah, John P.”
She couldn’t find it in the list so she figured it’d be a good idea to chat so I wouldn’t notice.
“P.? What’s the P stand for?”
“Louis. My parents couldn’t spell. Can I ask you, what are you doing?”
“I’m looking for your name,” she ran her finger down the screen, “and I don’t see it. If it was called, it would’ve been on this list.”
“Oh, my name wasn’t called-“
She popped her head up, “It wasn’t? But you brought the card up, so I…”
“No, no, I found it on the ground. I just wanted to ask about it.”
“Oh! Thank god. I thought we screwed up. I don’t know if I can give you the free gift though.”
“That’s the thing, why I’m here. It’s redundant, a “free gift,” they’re all free. I mean, if you have to pay for something, that’s not a gift, that’s commerce. I thought I’d bring that to your attention, you know, before you print up more of these cards.”
“Ok, I think…”
“What’s the gift anyhow?”
“They’re a surprise, they can be any of three things we’re highlighting this season.”
“Oh. I’m not sure I’d want a surprise. What if it’s a snake?”
“They’re sample size candles with fragrances for the holidays, Apple cinnamon, Christmas tree, some others.”
“Good. I hate snakes. I don’t know why you’d even consider handing out snakes. It’s dangerous.”
“Sir, we’re not giving out…”
“And what makes you think snakes like candles? They’re of no use to them. They don’t even have thumbs to work a lighter.”
She leaned over her counter to take me all in. She looked at my feet. I think she was expecting me to be barefoot. She resumed speaking with a slow, measured pace and a condescending enunciation of every syllable.
“Sir, are you here with someone, maybe a group?”
“You think I’m crazy? Me? You’re the one handing out…”
“We’re not handing out snakes!”
My work there was done.
I left.