I was in Home Depot looking for a cooler for my backyard and I asked a worker if they had any.
“What kind are you looking for,” he asked.
I said, “something on wheels, a big one.”
He rubbed his chin and thought, “Oh yeah, some guy came in and bought the last display one this morning.”
I asked, “Do you know where this guy lives?”
“What?”
“Maybe I can swing by his house and make him an offer.”
“Look pal, we don’t give out customer information.”
I then realized he thought I was serious. So, I went with it-
“…Well, (I opened my wallet and took out a single) what if a certain ‘Mr. Washington’ were to ask for it?” I bounced my eyebrows like Groucho Marx cultivating a deal.
“The answer is NO.” and he stormed off shaking his head.
I shrugged and went through the garden department to see if maybe there were any there. Nothing.
As I headed for the exit, a manager came up to me. “Excuse me sir, but Home Depot does not give out personal customer information.”
So evidently the first guy ran and told on me.
At that point I knew I had no choice.
The dollar came out again.
“But what if a certain ‘Mr. Washington’ were to ask?” I bounced my eyebrows again.
Did you ever see when a dog tilts its head when it hears an odd noise? That’s exactly what he did.
“I’m just going to leave this here,” I put the dollar on a shelf next to LED bulbs, “…and go to the plumbing aisle. Meet me there if you want to do business.”
he folded his arms.
“Suit yourself.” I took the bill and pocketed it.
Nancy said soon we’ll have no place left to shop and I’m somehow responsible.
Whatever.